Y.A.N.A

You Are Not Alone.

It's a pretty cool ministry.

Started by a guy who goes to the church I go to every now and then. Little did I know for a while that he started this whole thing because of me.

Pretty cool feeling, though I'm still not sure I did anything. He said it's because of a church trip we took a while back.

His father passed away in a car accident a little over a year ago now, and on this trip is where he found out about my father. He told me something along the lines of, when he heard that he realized that he wasn't alone, and that gave him a lot of hope. So he wanted to make other people feel this way, and so began y.a.n.a.

He asked me to write the story of when my father passed away, and how God helped me through it.

So here it is...

Hello to all who may be reading this. My name is Chris Williams, I live in Springfield, MO. About three months from now it will have been a year since my father passed away. I had known Ashton Owens for awhile, and about his father, but I had never really talked to him. Then on a church trip, he found out about my father, and he decided to start this whole thing, I feel very honored to think that he might have used me to reach any of you who he has indeed reached.

This is my story...

It's March, and time for Spring Break again, and even better we have a band trip planned. Me being the huge band geek I am, I'm thoroughly excited about it. However, we leave early that morning, and my dad finally gets the chance to sleep in, so I don't get to see him that morning. Oh well, this trip is gonna be tons of fun.

Indeed it was, we went to Nashville, Tennessee, and I had a great time. We traveled all over the city, seeing this, that, and the other things. I talk to my mom on the phone usually every night, give her the recap of what was going on. The usual mom stuff.

The days pass, and eventually the time comes for the return trip. So we board the bus and start heading home. We get a little ways into Illinois and all of a sudden I get a call from my father. He wants to know when I'll be home, and he tells me that my mother will be there to pick me up. Which, confuses me since they were supposed to be leaving on a trip of their own. He tells me that he's come down with the flu and he doesn't feel like going anywhere, so they're just going to stay home for now.

So we talk on a little longer about, oh I don't remember at all. But I remember clear as day the last thing he says to me.

"I'll let you get back to your friends."
"Okie dokey, I'll talk to you later."
"I love you son."
"I love you too dad, bye."
"Good bye son."

Those were the last words I heard my father tell me. I don't think I could've picked better words. It all seemed so final, I hardly ever say good-bye, it just doesn't fit, but there it just seemed like I was supposed to say that.

We get home, and my mother comes and picks me up, we take the short three minute drive home, and I start unpacking. I call for my dad, but he doesn't answer, I look down the hall and the bathroom door is shut, my mom says he's had the flu, so I just think, maybe he's throwing up. He's making these noises, but I do the exact same thing when I feel like I'm going to throw up, and in every other way I'm basically my father, so I don't think anything of it.

About 15 min. pass and I'm sitting there on the couch watching Titanic, and my mother goes to the door to check on Dad. He doesn't answer he knocks, and he's not making noise any more, so she tries to open the door, she pushes very hard, my father was not a very small man, and she finds him collapsed on the floor.

I'll never forget her scream, I jumped about twenty feet into the air I think and run for the phone. My hands are shaking so bad as I attempt to dial 911, I have to try twice to finally get it right. Then the wait for a person, she answers, I wish I could remember her name, but I was a little distracted, and yet calm, I know that what will be will be. The lady tells us to start CPR and takes all of our information and tells us help is on the way.

Of course it seems like it takes forever, but I'm sure it wasn't that long, my mother and I eventually switch spots, but nothing seems to change, he's turned purply, and he's not responding to us at all. The paramedics finally get there, and they take over, but my mother can't leave, so it's up to me to call my brothers and tell them what's happened.

They are 25 and 27, but they both live in town. I'm very calm when I call them, I don't know really what kept me so calm for all of this. I just kept praying for strength and peace, and the Lord granted it. It seemed like I knew everything would be fine, that it would all work out like it was supposed to. After all it is His plan.

Sometimes, I think that it's my fault that my father died, I heard him making those noises and maybe if I had tried the door, he would've been ok.

But I didn't, and I can't take that back, but maybe I didn't answer the door because I wasn't supposed to. Since my father has passed my faith has only grown, I've done a lot more things to learn more about His word. I know that my father passed for a reason, and I know that the reason will be shown to me in due time.

All of us who feel pain only have to look up to see relief. Just remember that it will all be worth it, keep your faith, there are others just like you who lost someone they love. Believe in the Lord and he will show you where to go, and what to do.

You Are Not Alone.

Thank you for reading this, and may you always look for God, because He will always look for you.

:)

I always seem to make you mad

It's 2009.

Why?

I don't really want to go back any, just stop going forward.

Oh, wait.

That's a lie, let's wait a little bit, then stop time.

Ya, sounds good.

Tonite's basketball game was awesome fun. All around good time, I love losing my voice for a retarded reason.

Well, as long as it's with people who aren't total idiots, makes it more fun.

However, tonite's football game went exactly as I thought it would.

CHOKE!

Every year.

I'm beginning to expect it out of them now.

Just my luck, I pick the teams that like to almost win, and then completely fail. They give you that glimmer of hope, just dangle it out in front of you, and then run away with it.

My gums hurt, and I hate dentists.

'nuf said.

:X

Happy Birthday?

Yea, it wasn't too bad.

Sorry my mom woke you up with that text, she's a little bit...

...

...

funny. Not in a bad way necessarily, just in a sort of out there way sometimes.

However, thanks to all who mentioned it to me, it's good to know that even though you might only know it's my birthday because someone shouted it out in band, that you still care enough to say it to me anyways.

Now, you guys are very, extremely lucky to have me as a partner.

Goodness gracious I do almost all the work everytime.

You used to at least ask if you could help, but now it's just another of those expectation that, "Oh Chris will get it done, he always does."

Maybe I should just start my own group and leave you guys out to dry.

Man my headaches.

And I really, ridiculously miss that...not the headaches.

Aha! Brittany, just another riddle for you to solve, I can tell how much you like them.

They're probably not all that you would expect though.

Oh, and sitting on a saddle in the middle of a resturant while everyone there shouts, "YEE-HAW!" is pretty hilarious.

At least I can say I'm legal now.

Anyone for porn, cigarettes, or a lotto ticket?

Well, too bad cause those are disgusting, killing, and a waste of money.

So there!

B/

3 for 4?

Perhaps.

Wait.

Crap.

That means I don't have a perfect score, and I couldn't be happier.

Well, about that at least.

Ever feel like you're in like the middle season of a show?

You know, the crappy one where nothing happens. It's just the same stuff over and over again.

Nothing is building, and nothing is breaking apart.

It's just kind of...there.

Ever feel like that?

No?

Yeah, me neither, but it's a fun idea right?

Anywho...

Money can't buy direct happiness, just things that make you happy.

I don't know about you, but playing Fable is pretty darn fun.

Or is it the people who are there when you're playing Fable that make it fun?

Hm...

mysterious.

The pants I'm wearing have tire tread marks and I don't know how they got there.

I'm pretty sure I didn't get run over by a very tiny car. But stranger things have happened.

Should I?

Oh, that's fun.

You guys should answer. It'll be fun.

I can't wait, actually that's not true at all.

I can wait.

=\

4 for 4

Have you ever wanted something so bad that it hurt?

Wished with all of your being that you could just have that one thing?

And yet, known that it wouldn't happen.

That it would just get stripped away from you.

I suppose it's my own doing that caused it.

It always is.

But, I have to be difficult.

Boring.

I don't think that it will be possible, so maybe I should change.

Nah, who likes change anyway?

Perhaps I'm overreacting.

But, it seems that what has happened several times before has again occured.

I should go in with this as my expectation.

Maybe, it'll help, doubt it.

But maybe.

Try the truth, that solves many problems.

It causes others ones though, but maybe those are worth the ones you solve.

:(

Damn

I'm sorry if I sounded mad, I really didn't mean to.

I was a jerk though.

Again, I'm sorry for that too.

Be mad at me if that's what you want to do, I completely understand.

But, I'll still be here.

X(

Thinking, Thinking

Guess I'll just give up.

:/