Roundabout

I'm sitting here...alone...

but I rather enjoy this.

Just to sit here and not have anyone here to judge me, or tell me what I 'need' to do.

It's very relaxing.

But, I find myself deep in thought. And I don't know what I'm thinking about.

I feel confused, scared, worried, and I don't know why.

I just wish I knew why.

Sometimes I wish we were living in the 1400's, I don't have a reason besides I like the clothes.

Is that really what I'm thinking about?

You'd think it would be more important than that.

Whatever, I'll just go with it.

The title of this one is a really cool song. You should listen to it, it has probably the most technical bass line I've ever heard. Well, except for Bela Fleck songs, but Victor Wooten, doesn't count. He's closer to a god than a man.

Why am I even typing anymore? I have nothing to say.

It's just rambling, useless and yet freeing.

A wise man once said something, but noone was there to hear it so nobody knows about it. How sad is that? Maybe it was the best synopsis of life, and know one was there and the man forgot it.

Could life really be as simple as birth, life, death?

Then comes the whole faith thing again. It's believing though there may be little evidence.

I sometimes need proof for things, I believe that's understandable.

But, I love the fact that we must believe in something that can't be proven. Besides, if you don't believe in Heaven, what are you living for?

What could your goal possibly be? Life is not that pointless, it's a journey to attempt to be like someone we could never hope to be.

The thought that an all powerful being would take it's time to make me is a very reassuring thing. Hope is not all in vain.

I can have hope for a lot of things, does that mean that they'll happen, or that they're true?

No. It doesn't. But that's not going to stop me from having hope.

Without hope, I would've been lost a long time ago. I would be somewhere else, getting high and wasted.

Why would someone do that with their life? Just destroy it by wasting it on meaningless things.

YAY BEER?!? Are you retarded?

That's so stupid, and in most cases more hypocritical than I am. I say I'm living for Christ, but am I really? What have I done for Him? Not a whole heck of a lot?

What's even worse than the realization of this fact, is the fact that I know I won't do anything about it. Mostly because I'm afraid.

Which, I suppose answers a journal Ms. Erikson gave us.

She's nuts.

But she asked what are we afraid of doing. And that's mine. I want to play music, I know that's what I'm made to do. Yeah, I'm good at a lot of sports, but I'm broken.

I can't run.

So I turn to music, to make my life whole. I feel alive when I play, or hear it for that matter. It's my purpose for living most days.

I never know what you're thinking. It's so refreshing.

I've been sitting here writing this for 30 minutes now, and you've been reading for what...like 5 maybe. If you've even made it this far.

But that really doesn't matter, does it?

Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same...maybe you've started to compare to someone not there.

The Fray is a good band.

My dog just barked and I almost fell out of my chair I jumped so high.

I guess this as good a spot as any to stop.

Thank you very much for reading if you've made it all the way to the end.

Here's a gold star.

:0