Fun??

For the first time in a long time I wasn't entirely depressed all night.

Most of the time yes I was. But the brief moments of ignorant bliss were just enough to make it all worth it.

Thank you guys for just being yourselves. It's often overlooked...how much of a difference simple company can make.

I truly do appreciate you guys putting up with my horrible attitude sometimes, and how I constantly show off. I wish I could stop, but most of the time I don't mean to show off, so I don't realize that I'm actually doing anything.

I'm sorry for any annoyance I've caused.

C

How Cruel

Did she really deserve this?

What did she do?

Was what has happened already not enough?

This really is too far?

I'm sorry if I'm really depressed. I try to hide it, but I don't succeed. Just as I thought she was going to make it, than this had to go and happen.

Why?

I really don't mean to be this way, but you've got to understand. Loosing my father was horrible, I still can't get that picture out of my head. But I knew I could pull through it. I knew my mother could make it.

Now this, this is just too much punishment.

Am I really an extremely bad person who has to be continually punished?

No?

It seems that way.

I wish I could leave this all behind. Just get in a car and drive change my name, change myself, erase my memory. Erase all of this.

I thought I was at the bottom. Then Life comes along and takes even more away.

Sometimes I wish that I didn't have the strength I have. But I know if I die now, it'll all be for not. It wouldn't do anything except for cast my sould directly into Hell. How, bad could that be after this piece of bull-shit you people call "Life"

NO!

I won't...no can't do that. No matter how bad things may get here, you must always remember God has a plan and it will get better in the end.

What kind of retarded plan is this? I feel like I'm the poor contestant on some horrible reality show.

How awesome would that be?

To wake up and find everyone you lost standing there ready to take you home.

But that's what Heaven is I suppose.

I can't wait. I wish this in between stage would be over sometimes. Then I remember, without this Heaven wouldn't be Heaven.

My Life isn't over.

I hope.

And there it is, the only small thing I can cling to.

Hope.

I just have to live one more day. Find one more thing to do. Find one more person to help. One more goal to accomplish.

And perhaps I'll make it. Perhaps I'll accomplish all I once set out for.

Maybe I'll take You along for the ride.

I wish I had the guts to say what I want to. But alas...that I haven't been given.

T

WHY?!?!

WHY AREN'T YOU HERE?!

HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO DO THIS?!

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!

YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE HERE!

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.

WHY DID YOU HAVE TO LEAVE ME?!

I'm stuck in a forever repeating loop. All I hear is that God-awful scream, the scream of an impossibly scared wife looking at her dead husband. All I see is your lifeless body laying on the ground.

WHY WON'T THIS LEAVE ME HEAD?!

I know I can't give up though. You would never let me. I than the Lord every day for what He's giving. But that's only after I curse Him for what He took.

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH THAT WORDS CAN HARDLY CONTAIN MY OVERWHELMING FEELINGS.

This is why I play. Not for them, but for me and You.

PLEASE STAY WITH ME.

I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN MAKE IT WITHOUT YOU.

Sometimes I feel so empty and alone. That's when I get the most frightened. As I sit here crying the only thing that provides me any small hope is that I know your in Heaven. Beyone the shadow of a doubt.

But that does nothing to quench the fiery rage burning inside me.

I'LL ALWAYS MISS YOU.

And I hope that I'll always have You.

Thank God the tears have stopped.

R

Really?

What the heck...how am I supposed to contribute to society? I want to play the french horn. Whoop-di-doo. What kinda of effect is that supposed to have on people?

Then I realized...

Music has all kinds of effects on people. Whether it be to change mood, for the good or worse. Whether to be tired, or energetic. Whether to fall in love, or out of it. Whether to make you think, or not. There are all different types of music.

Some more musical than others. Who are we to judge what people like?

Oh, that's right...we're people. It doesn't really matter if we have the right to or not, we'll do what we want no matter the consequenses. However, that's neither here nor there. Well, actually it's there cause HERE I'm talking about music, not humanity.

Music is indeed magical. I find that I get lost in music, deep rich chords, or the simple lone man singing. Both have humongous reporcussions, they show us what is true. Often times it seems that when we can't say things in simple words we can put them into music and only then is our true meaning intrepretted to its fullest.

I ramble on quite effectively.

I mean seriously if I was a music writer my songs would be longer than most Coldplay stuff.

So is what I want to accomplish going to be an empty act? I don't think so, I believe that if I'm able to become good enough I won't ever have to speak again. I will only have to play what I feel and all my meanings will come true.

How I hope that works, cause I'm a really horrible speaker. Besides, who really needs words anyway?

N

Ahhh Maaaan....

So close and yet so very far...

that's the best way to describe it.

At least I can live with the fact that the last time I got to perform that solo I played it well. Isn't that all that matters, plus districts are on tuesday. Dang, I haven't prepared enough at all.

GE judge...you are a crazy man, that's all I say on that subject.

Trumpet player from Rolla, that might have been too far. But seriously, don't smash the trumpet into face, not only does it hurt really bad, but that's not how you play high.

And I'm sorry for you Brooke. I've been there and done that, every single bus ride for all four years of my high school career. I started a support group, we meet during the month of Janinjuary. Now that you've gone through that you know what month that is. Awesome...

Head lice. That's what I've always wanted. Some creepy things crawling around my head making it itchy and nasty. Stupid things annoy me.

F

Tonight

So debatebly we had our best show tonite. Yay us, but then why couldn't we have practiced better this week. I mean really...that's the best that we can rehearse? How pathetic.

And yet still, there's the hope that we can sweep, well if our drum majors could portray emotion...nah, that's asking way too much.

that last sentence was gigantic. it took two lines for it.

Then suicide. Which sounds really awkward, unless you know what I'm talking about. Then it's awesome. Tonight, it was indeed awesome. Damn slides, and their inability to lock.

Again, sorry Micah, I dropped the ball, or I guess slide, on that one.

Cullen's house...kinda boring, until we all strapped on some controllers and started playing with his Wii. Mario and Sonic Olympics is wicked fun. Except if you try to play it alone, then it's just sad. I wish I could make rainbows come out of my javeline.

I guess I did gain a small victory in the trampoline...ah good times. If only they didn't end so quickly.

J

Not Alright

Let's move to England.

and also,

essays are extra not alright

I

Lost on the Stoop

Good Song. But also good starting point, especially when you get an idea and then right as you go to put it on paper (or at least as close as anyone gets to putting things on paper anymore) you lose it. So I guess I'm supposed to write about forgetting what I'm writing about, maybe I'll pick up some lost thread of thought that I had earlier.

Oh RIGHT! Yay for remembering...actually first

on a side note-how do you portray time through puntuation.Yeah, I left some space between thoughts but how am I supposed to show the actual amount of time that it took to remember what I lost.

Now...what is true?

Is it really what's true? Or is it what the majority says. Last year in Lib and Law, we read a book by some famous guy from history. I don't remember his name, but his idea has stuck with me. And he's right. If you believe something a lot of the time a majority of people will agree with you, that or you agree with the majority of people. Now, that's all well and good, assuming that the more people you have the more chance you have of getting the real truth. But what if in all reality it's not that more people equals more truth, but instead just more distortions to that truth.

Think about it. The more people that you have, the more ideas those people will have. Now all these ideas floating around will almost certainly get more and more messed up as you go along. So in the end, and idea that starts at one side of this large group of people will have morphed into a totally different idea by the time that it trickles down into your mind.

But on the other hand how can the minority be right. Almost always they have the exact opposite idea. Anything the majority thinks will almost certainly be hated by this other side. So if the large group has even some hint of the truth, the smaller group will take that truth and totally turn it around.

So now where do you go?

It doesn't seem like there's even the smallest touch of hope left of finding that awe inspiring truth. Maybe the truth lies between the two groups. Perhaps instead of blindly following one side or blindly not following that same side, maybe you should take the time to think about it.

Conformity then is not a bad thing. The worst thing that a person could do is to blindly conform. But then again isn't blindly nonconforming just conforming to nonconforming?

So then wouldn't it be the smartest to look at not just the good of the sides, or just the bad of the sides, but instead focus on all sides of all sides? Sounds easy right? But then if it was easy then we wouldn't have to worry about anything at all.

I guess what I'm trying to say is...

Who are You voting for?

Z

what do You see?

So I was sitting in the gym and I happen to notice the reflection of light on the ground. Now as I walked around I happened to notice it move. Well that makes sense...I mean I've known light will do that since like forever. But then I got to thinking if I'm standing here looking at the light on the ground and a friend is standing some five feet that way and the light is in another place...Does that mean the light is everywhere at once?

And for that matter if the light is everywhere at once does that mean it's omnipresent?

And if that's the case does that make the light God?

I mean, without it I can't percieve anything so really doesn't the light create everything, or at least our perception of it?

Why do I put so much space in between my thoughts, do I really think it helps that much? Or does it?

See...randomness, it's awesome right? Am I trying to make this whole thing in questions? If so I failed right at the beginning.

So if the light is God haven't I already seen it? So wouldn't this be Heaven? Good golly I hope not, that would mean this place is perfect. Man perfection hurts like Hell, which is ironic right?

But again I guess it is all about perception right?

U

First Off

What the heck. Where has life gone. And does that mean that it actually goes anywhere, does that make sense. I mean if my life is traveling somewhere does that mean that I'm just along for the ride. In which case, am I holding on tight enough?

I think not.

What a downer, to be at the top of your class and still know that your not even half done. Why? Why should I, or anyone for that matter, be so obsessed with getting what we want that we forget to live?

This is fun, kind of freeing. Thank You. it's capitalized on purpose.

Writing is so much easier if you don't have a goal in mind. Just typing in itself is good. I could just be writing words, like fragguger or benihana. This is when I realize that english class really does blow (cause sucking is a physical impossiblity). What was I even talking about.

Am I really this random? Why does the song I'm listening to end with 10 seconds of silence, that's annoying. Oh, well I guess its "tasteful," to somebody.

Sorry to anyone who reads this, its kind of punishment, if only you were here it'd make sense.

How I wish You were here.

H