How Cruel

Did she really deserve this?

What did she do?

Was what has happened already not enough?

This really is too far?

I'm sorry if I'm really depressed. I try to hide it, but I don't succeed. Just as I thought she was going to make it, than this had to go and happen.

Why?

I really don't mean to be this way, but you've got to understand. Loosing my father was horrible, I still can't get that picture out of my head. But I knew I could pull through it. I knew my mother could make it.

Now this, this is just too much punishment.

Am I really an extremely bad person who has to be continually punished?

No?

It seems that way.

I wish I could leave this all behind. Just get in a car and drive change my name, change myself, erase my memory. Erase all of this.

I thought I was at the bottom. Then Life comes along and takes even more away.

Sometimes I wish that I didn't have the strength I have. But I know if I die now, it'll all be for not. It wouldn't do anything except for cast my sould directly into Hell. How, bad could that be after this piece of bull-shit you people call "Life"

NO!

I won't...no can't do that. No matter how bad things may get here, you must always remember God has a plan and it will get better in the end.

What kind of retarded plan is this? I feel like I'm the poor contestant on some horrible reality show.

How awesome would that be?

To wake up and find everyone you lost standing there ready to take you home.

But that's what Heaven is I suppose.

I can't wait. I wish this in between stage would be over sometimes. Then I remember, without this Heaven wouldn't be Heaven.

My Life isn't over.

I hope.

And there it is, the only small thing I can cling to.

Hope.

I just have to live one more day. Find one more thing to do. Find one more person to help. One more goal to accomplish.

And perhaps I'll make it. Perhaps I'll accomplish all I once set out for.

Maybe I'll take You along for the ride.

I wish I had the guts to say what I want to. But alas...that I haven't been given.

T