Lol

Sometimes I wonder why I even try.

:S

head, Shoulder, knee, toe

that's me.

always.

:/

You Really Don't Understand, do You?

It could be anything.

Simple.

:(

Okay...

That's certainly not what I wanted that to be.

But it's ok, because you finally did what you wanted to.

You could probably tell what I wanted you to do, but it didn't matter and you did what you wanted to.

I really am very happy for you.

It actually kinda makes up for the lack luster ending.

Thank you.

However, now the boredom sets in.

BECCA WEINER!

8o

Just a Song (not about me)

The lights of the city always glow
The streaks of the pain that will never show.

The lights of the city always shine
And I want to call them mine.

All you want is to go away,

But the earth calls you back
to take where you met the black.

And you never know
just what it is that will never show.

Everyone looks at you now
They wonder what could control you how,

does the pain of a thousand cuts
hold you in these awful ruts?

And you just laugh.

But the earth calls you back
to take where you met the black.

And you never know
just what it is that will never show.

The sea of a thousand seas
calls you calls you and you cannot see,

what it is that does you wrong.

And you'll never know,
no you'll never know

But the earth calls you back
to take where you met the black.

And soon you'll know
What it is that will never show.

That soon will...

show.

(if only you could hear as I can)

8\

Almost Forgot

Sorry about That.

Didn't mean for that to happen.

Though It still hurts, by the way.

:\

Sad Day

Eh, it's not really that sad.

First I don't get the scholarship I was really hoping to get.

There are others though. Just kinda ticks me off.

I really don't like failing.

Makes me very angry.

The other one...well, whatever.

It happens.

I'll miss it.

Just suck my toe.

I suppose I'll make it.

>:)

(they're horns for my evil man)

What's New?

Not much.

I have nothing else to say.

=D

for now

Choices

I want to. I can't really explain how much I do.

But I can't do that.

I'm sorry if that's not the right answer.

But it's the only answer I have.

:*(

Weekends

I like them.

Time for...well stuff.

Family time, not so fun unless you have two fun brothers, if only the rest of your family wasn't stuck up rednecks. Isn't that an ironical statement.

But that's ok because soon after is time for friends. Who, if they're the right ones are very fun to be around.

It's warm and cozy.

I'm really happy I'm the one playing guitar hero in my underwear, and not watching fitness video while...

not finishing that sentence.

Mary Steenburgen saying, "what the f-ing f!" really made me laugh. She's so hallmark channel (ha that's a fun way to describe someone).

Then hottub parties, which are slowly dying out. But it's ok when you have all stopped coming, I'll still go out alone for the sake of tradition.

If only they didn't end.

Freakin' Norm Ridder and his making us go to school for two more days.

Well, you guys are going to school for two days, I'll be going for one, and maybe band. We'll see I suppose.

Oh cool, pirate hats! And crossbows!

8)

Every Time?

What am I thinking?

It wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't every single time.

It's like I don't actually want to at all...that's a complete lie.

Maybe you should just stop.

Please don't.

But seriously, why?

I should at least mention something.

(warning, warning, I'm going to randomly not be here in like 5 minutes)

I guess just be ready around 130 or 200, it seems to be my trend.

Argh!

It makes me mad at myself cause I wouldn't want to be sitting, waiting for like 30 minutes uselessly, and yet I do that to you almost every time.

Sorry, you may not think it's a big deal, and myabe it's not, but it still gets on my nerves.

That I can't even stay awake is retarded.

~:(

(that's me steaming)

Seriously?

I spent 30 minutes doing that?

Lol.

I guess at least I know why.

Fun, fun.

@;)

Yes

Uplifting, re-energizing, filling, living, breathing, hoping, wishing, praying, loving

:)

Don't count minutes

they go slower.

<:(

Dislike

I was going to write something else, but I got halfway into it and I realized I didn't actually agree with what I was writing.

So I had to stop, and erase it all.

But, I can't call it a waste.

I just found something that I'm not going to write about.

:p

Roundabout

I'm sitting here...alone...

but I rather enjoy this.

Just to sit here and not have anyone here to judge me, or tell me what I 'need' to do.

It's very relaxing.

But, I find myself deep in thought. And I don't know what I'm thinking about.

I feel confused, scared, worried, and I don't know why.

I just wish I knew why.

Sometimes I wish we were living in the 1400's, I don't have a reason besides I like the clothes.

Is that really what I'm thinking about?

You'd think it would be more important than that.

Whatever, I'll just go with it.

The title of this one is a really cool song. You should listen to it, it has probably the most technical bass line I've ever heard. Well, except for Bela Fleck songs, but Victor Wooten, doesn't count. He's closer to a god than a man.

Why am I even typing anymore? I have nothing to say.

It's just rambling, useless and yet freeing.

A wise man once said something, but noone was there to hear it so nobody knows about it. How sad is that? Maybe it was the best synopsis of life, and know one was there and the man forgot it.

Could life really be as simple as birth, life, death?

Then comes the whole faith thing again. It's believing though there may be little evidence.

I sometimes need proof for things, I believe that's understandable.

But, I love the fact that we must believe in something that can't be proven. Besides, if you don't believe in Heaven, what are you living for?

What could your goal possibly be? Life is not that pointless, it's a journey to attempt to be like someone we could never hope to be.

The thought that an all powerful being would take it's time to make me is a very reassuring thing. Hope is not all in vain.

I can have hope for a lot of things, does that mean that they'll happen, or that they're true?

No. It doesn't. But that's not going to stop me from having hope.

Without hope, I would've been lost a long time ago. I would be somewhere else, getting high and wasted.

Why would someone do that with their life? Just destroy it by wasting it on meaningless things.

YAY BEER?!? Are you retarded?

That's so stupid, and in most cases more hypocritical than I am. I say I'm living for Christ, but am I really? What have I done for Him? Not a whole heck of a lot?

What's even worse than the realization of this fact, is the fact that I know I won't do anything about it. Mostly because I'm afraid.

Which, I suppose answers a journal Ms. Erikson gave us.

She's nuts.

But she asked what are we afraid of doing. And that's mine. I want to play music, I know that's what I'm made to do. Yeah, I'm good at a lot of sports, but I'm broken.

I can't run.

So I turn to music, to make my life whole. I feel alive when I play, or hear it for that matter. It's my purpose for living most days.

I never know what you're thinking. It's so refreshing.

I've been sitting here writing this for 30 minutes now, and you've been reading for what...like 5 maybe. If you've even made it this far.

But that really doesn't matter, does it?

Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same...maybe you've started to compare to someone not there.

The Fray is a good band.

My dog just barked and I almost fell out of my chair I jumped so high.

I guess this as good a spot as any to stop.

Thank you very much for reading if you've made it all the way to the end.

Here's a gold star.

:0

Why does that upset me?

:S

Expectations

So yeah, I made 1st chair at state.

Go me.

But the least you guys could do is acknowledge it.

For those of you who actually read this, I don't mean you.

Most of you guys actually congratulated me and were full of good things to say.

But then, others say things like, "Good job doing what was expected." Or better, "I wasn't really surprised."

Really?

Seriously?

I've worked seven years...again...

SEVEN YEARS!!!

to get here. The least you could do is say, "hey man, good job."

I absolutely despise when people says things like that.

What can I possibly do to exceed your expectations?

Or will I only dissapoint you?

How could I ever be able to impress you, if this doesn't do it?

I just can't comprehend how to take away how people see me.

I know I'm good at things. I do. But, it's not because I just woke up one day and decided to be. I try so hard to be the best at everything I do. And it takes its toll.

I'm so tired all the time. I try not to show it, but I could probably sleep for an entire day. I don't ever stop working to get better. I hardly ever do anything for the fun of it.

The only thing that keeps me going is the whopping 3 or 4 of you who would actually stay there if I stopped trying.

It's for you guys and myself that I keep moving.

I hope you know how much I really do love you all.

You love us all?

Yes, I do.

>:(

Gratification

FINALLY!

I've worked so hard for so long, and finally I get some kind of reward. Yeah, I've awards and I've made state before, but to be able to say that I'm the best at what I do in the entire state.

That just takes it to another level.

I can hardly believe it. I knew I could do it, it was just doing it that was the hard part.

I just wish my dad was here to see it. But no, he had to go and take the easy way out.

What a lame-o.

I so freakin' excited right now. I know it's kinda hard to tell if you see me. But trust me, this is the happiest I've been for almost a year now.

I wish every day could be like this.

No pain...it's fun.

Then I get to hang out [and play nancy drew (only slightly pathetic)] with cool people.

I think it's funny that it's always the same three people. We're just the nancy drew team I guess.

It's fun.

I guess that should be the name of this post.

So far senior year has been the best. First we get to have a terrific marching season, and now this. If only everyone was having this good of a time.

But sadly, no.

I think for everyone person having a good time, there is another on the total opposite end of the spectrum.

Maybe I can radiate some of my good feelings off.

It wouldn't do much to quell the pain. But I could certainly try.

Again, I'm right here.

Always.

All you have to do is talk to me.

Well, I'm gonna go back to having fun.

It's fun.

Oh, and also John Mayer is so insanely right. He knows exactly what to say.

;D

What a concert!

=D

Hmm...

Lots of stuff has happened since I was last here.

I'm very not happy about some of it. In fact I'm really pissed off about it.

I just don't understand how the hell someone could hear that and not do anything.

Pardon my German...but what the fuck?

And you call yourselves friends? How could you possibly pass as friends?

Granted, I don't know everything, but still I can't comprehend what could go through a person's head when they percieve something like that is happening.

Messed up.

I really wish I could do something to make things better. But I know I can't. If you ever need to talk, I'll be here. I may not know that pain...but I've dealt with some pretty bad shit lately.

However, on to a more happy note.

I played well tonight.

I'm glad, because I only get one chance at it so if I failed that time I wouldn't get another try.

But I didn't.

Oh, and sorry that I didn't get a chance to talk to you guys. People just friggin' kept coming. I really didn't expect that.

I hope you enjoyed it.

And thank you so very much for coming. It really is greatly appreciated to know that someone else cares.

Again if you ever need to talk...I pretty good at being a wall to yell at. You wouldn't be the first one.

And that's what's happened since I was last here.

=S

*sigh*

screw school.

I wanna stay home and practice.

also, I'm done with you Nancy Drew.

ha, that rhymed.

but seriously, I will not be addicted to you any more.

I hope.

:/

Thanksgiving???

So I sit here, after finishing a wicked fun Nancy Drew session (yay for us not cheating by the way), and I just realized that Thanksgiving is upon us.

I can't believe that.

How can time pass so quickly without anyone noticing.

BAM!

And then it's here. How depressing.

So, I guess since it is the spirit of the holiday I might as well list what I'm thankful for...

1. Friends- you make life worth living

2. Breathing- sometimes it's all I know I can control

3. Talents- I've been given lots of abilities (don't think I didn't notice) and I don't know why. It doesn't really seem that fair.

4. And the most important I might add. That my father isn't here anymore. He's probably having a hell of a lot more fun than any of us can hope to have. It only seems to get worse.

So here's to hoping you're having a good time, you ole fart.

;)

Gracious

Saving Grace.

Otherwise known as music.

So if you ever feel down. This is no joke. Seriously.

Listen to Bela Fleck and the Flecktones.

Perhaps the best jazz I've ever heard.

If you listen to it...yes that is a banjo. And if you're thinking of stopping because you think it's gonna be some poopie ole time country.

Just wait. It gets better.

This just serves to prove my point even more that music cures all. Anytime anything goes wrong just listen.

You'll find what you need in music.

Maybe it's as close as we can to Heaven while we're trapped here.

Yeah, that sounds about right.

Sometimes I just laugh at how awesome it truly is. I feel like a glass that is just waiting to be filled. And it seems music is the most filling.

If only I could just sit and play all day, what an amazing thought.

I hope I'm able to do that.

I should go practice.

But it's a little bit late for that.

Yay! for it being Friday.

I get to sleep in. Which I'll probably end up sleeping until like noon because I think I might just sit here and listen to this music for another few hours.

It doesn't get old. The best part of it all is I think in a few songs they just start making things up halfway through, but they're so good you just can't tell.

I love how long I can ramble on about one subject, get a little sidetracked, and then oddly enough end up at the beginning.

Now stop reading and go listen to Bela.

Cool name by the way. Bela Fleck.

He just sounds like a good jazz player.

On a side note, Victor Wooten is the best bassist ever.

Also, if you're still reading this...

STOP!

Go listen, enjoy, relax, be happy, soak it up. Let it fill you up.

And for a moment, forget everything except for what you hear. It really is amazing to have no stress for like ten seconds.

Your welcome if it helps.

If it didn't help, I suppose jazz isn't for you. And also, you have a very sad taste in music.

I also think it's time for a change of pace.

=}

My Lonely Night

So it seems everyone is out watching Twilight, and well obviously I'm not.

I suppose I'll pass the time, this very boring time, writing. There doesn't seem to be anything better to do.

What the heck is up with Twilight anyway?

It seems very clichè, the story line that is. Not me sitting at home alone.

I mean seriously doesn't every vampire story eventually boil down to a girl, whose human, and a guy, whose not, and then some fighting, some love...and eventually the girl wanting to become undead to be with the guy forever.

Aww...how sweet.

But really, that's like every vampire story ever written. Well, except for Blade, but what can you expect from Wesley Snipes?

Not much.

So I sit here, listening to The Proclaimers because Family Guy got the song stuck in my head. Man I really am lacking in a life.

Psh. Who cares, perhaps having no life is closer to having a life than hanging out with people who hate you just so you can pretend you actually have a life.

Sound like anyone in particular?

Moving on.

I think at this point I'm just writing to take up time. Which is ironic since I always complain about not having enough of it.

And I don't usually.

Seriously only 17 years.

How can some people be so lucky to have to put up with their parents for most of their lives.

I suppose at least my father was always there. It could've been a lot worse. And I'm sorry to all of you who do have it that way.

If you need someone to talk to about it.

Really, I understand.

I should go to sleep. What a statement.

It's all right there in those five little words. What I should do and what I want to do seem to always be two very different things. Why does the pain of always choosing what I should do have to be so deep.

Maybe all the sacrifice will be worth it in the end.

I really do want to though. But I can't do that.

I'm sorry if that destroys Your hopes for that. But, if I don't get where I promised my father I would my life will not be worth living at all.

So I can't.

Maybe it'll all work out in the end.

And I'll be able to say as Michael Bublè is so effectively putting it...

Come fly with me let's fly, fly away.

L

ARGH!

So many people stepping up on their soap box.

Yes stand by your opinions, but it doesn't take long to reach a point where you're no longer fighting a good fight.

You're just fighting to fight.

And all that breeds from that is more fighting. By all means defend your beliefs to the death. But what happens when the people you're fighting are your closest friends.

I mean seriously. We all believe what we believe. And the fact that you believe something else and then repeatedly hammering people with that fact isn't going to solve anyone's problem.

We all keep shouting out our beliefs like we think it's our job to change the world.

No.

Just do it one person at a time. If one person doesn't like your ideas just respect what they believe, say a prayer for them (or whatever you want to do) and move on.

If you happen to change that one person. Terrific, then they can change one person and the list keeps growing. Don't ever think that every person in a room will agree with you though. Then your just as wrong as you think the non-agreeing people are.

So everyone just step down from your soap boxes. Take whatever weight you think you bear for all of humanity and throw it off.

Jesus already did that for you.

Get over yourself. In the end we'll all find out who's truly correct anyways. So hold on tight to what you believe.

I may not agree with what you believe, but I'll defend to the death your right to say it. No matter what you believe by all means, say it.

But don't think that's going to change me. And if that's what you're going for...

Leave me alone. Go try somewhere else.

I can't understand why we all must continuously debate.

But go for it.

My favorite thing is seeing friends torn apart in seconds simply because they believe a baby is truly a baby at different points. I love it soo much it makes me heart cry for all the joy pointlessly wasted.

No, I'm not well versed in the Bible, nor am I that uppity into science, so I really can't back up what I believe, so I can't preach it. All of you who do preach without the full extent of information, you are blindly marching into a battlefield. You may know where you stand, but do you know what they believe?

Why not? You obviously think you're better than them if you're going to fight them.

Holy Moses, it's all so useless.

ARGH!

N

Sunny Beaches California

Don't ever tweak your neck awkwardly.

It hurts very badly. I still can't look right. And I keep unconsiously leaning my head to the left so it doesn't hurt. Made me miss fun too.

I probably needed to stay home with my mother anyway. She gets lonely. I hate that for her.

I ask myself why everyday. It doesn't seem to help.

All we can do is breathe. Life sucks. It always will. You just have to live for those tiny little things that can make you smile for an instant.

That's all I have left to hang on to.

You guys can make it all worth it.

F

We speak in silence words cannot break

What an awesome statement.

Like coming up for air.

You make it easy to be me.

Neato...

I like this song.

C

Deep Breath...

...and let it go.

Calm.

Finally.

That only lasted forever.

But I've turned in the transcripts and applications.

Now to play the waiting game.

It's ok, I've only got to beat out like 140 other people.

Wouldn't be the first time.

Here's to hoping...

E

Ok, so...

Be positive.

There is slight hope.

Which is ironic since his whole campaign was based on hope.

I sure wish I knew more about what he was gonna do.

Maybe I should get that passport.

What are you doing in these waters? Why did we never say that tonite?

Dang. Missed it.

This one is random. At least I know what letter to use...

R

O $h!t

well, then...

I suppose we'll have to lay in this bed that the rest of the country made.

Glorious.

England anybody.

B

Oh My

It's November, everyone shouts, "I hate you time!"

also...

Only 7 days until my father would have turned like 51 or something.

Is it bad that I don't remember that?

Nah, cause he never did either.

E

Fun??

For the first time in a long time I wasn't entirely depressed all night.

Most of the time yes I was. But the brief moments of ignorant bliss were just enough to make it all worth it.

Thank you guys for just being yourselves. It's often overlooked...how much of a difference simple company can make.

I truly do appreciate you guys putting up with my horrible attitude sometimes, and how I constantly show off. I wish I could stop, but most of the time I don't mean to show off, so I don't realize that I'm actually doing anything.

I'm sorry for any annoyance I've caused.

C

How Cruel

Did she really deserve this?

What did she do?

Was what has happened already not enough?

This really is too far?

I'm sorry if I'm really depressed. I try to hide it, but I don't succeed. Just as I thought she was going to make it, than this had to go and happen.

Why?

I really don't mean to be this way, but you've got to understand. Loosing my father was horrible, I still can't get that picture out of my head. But I knew I could pull through it. I knew my mother could make it.

Now this, this is just too much punishment.

Am I really an extremely bad person who has to be continually punished?

No?

It seems that way.

I wish I could leave this all behind. Just get in a car and drive change my name, change myself, erase my memory. Erase all of this.

I thought I was at the bottom. Then Life comes along and takes even more away.

Sometimes I wish that I didn't have the strength I have. But I know if I die now, it'll all be for not. It wouldn't do anything except for cast my sould directly into Hell. How, bad could that be after this piece of bull-shit you people call "Life"

NO!

I won't...no can't do that. No matter how bad things may get here, you must always remember God has a plan and it will get better in the end.

What kind of retarded plan is this? I feel like I'm the poor contestant on some horrible reality show.

How awesome would that be?

To wake up and find everyone you lost standing there ready to take you home.

But that's what Heaven is I suppose.

I can't wait. I wish this in between stage would be over sometimes. Then I remember, without this Heaven wouldn't be Heaven.

My Life isn't over.

I hope.

And there it is, the only small thing I can cling to.

Hope.

I just have to live one more day. Find one more thing to do. Find one more person to help. One more goal to accomplish.

And perhaps I'll make it. Perhaps I'll accomplish all I once set out for.

Maybe I'll take You along for the ride.

I wish I had the guts to say what I want to. But alas...that I haven't been given.

T

WHY?!?!

WHY AREN'T YOU HERE?!

HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO DO THIS?!

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!

YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE HERE!

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.

WHY DID YOU HAVE TO LEAVE ME?!

I'm stuck in a forever repeating loop. All I hear is that God-awful scream, the scream of an impossibly scared wife looking at her dead husband. All I see is your lifeless body laying on the ground.

WHY WON'T THIS LEAVE ME HEAD?!

I know I can't give up though. You would never let me. I than the Lord every day for what He's giving. But that's only after I curse Him for what He took.

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH THAT WORDS CAN HARDLY CONTAIN MY OVERWHELMING FEELINGS.

This is why I play. Not for them, but for me and You.

PLEASE STAY WITH ME.

I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN MAKE IT WITHOUT YOU.

Sometimes I feel so empty and alone. That's when I get the most frightened. As I sit here crying the only thing that provides me any small hope is that I know your in Heaven. Beyone the shadow of a doubt.

But that does nothing to quench the fiery rage burning inside me.

I'LL ALWAYS MISS YOU.

And I hope that I'll always have You.

Thank God the tears have stopped.

R

Really?

What the heck...how am I supposed to contribute to society? I want to play the french horn. Whoop-di-doo. What kinda of effect is that supposed to have on people?

Then I realized...

Music has all kinds of effects on people. Whether it be to change mood, for the good or worse. Whether to be tired, or energetic. Whether to fall in love, or out of it. Whether to make you think, or not. There are all different types of music.

Some more musical than others. Who are we to judge what people like?

Oh, that's right...we're people. It doesn't really matter if we have the right to or not, we'll do what we want no matter the consequenses. However, that's neither here nor there. Well, actually it's there cause HERE I'm talking about music, not humanity.

Music is indeed magical. I find that I get lost in music, deep rich chords, or the simple lone man singing. Both have humongous reporcussions, they show us what is true. Often times it seems that when we can't say things in simple words we can put them into music and only then is our true meaning intrepretted to its fullest.

I ramble on quite effectively.

I mean seriously if I was a music writer my songs would be longer than most Coldplay stuff.

So is what I want to accomplish going to be an empty act? I don't think so, I believe that if I'm able to become good enough I won't ever have to speak again. I will only have to play what I feel and all my meanings will come true.

How I hope that works, cause I'm a really horrible speaker. Besides, who really needs words anyway?

N

Ahhh Maaaan....

So close and yet so very far...

that's the best way to describe it.

At least I can live with the fact that the last time I got to perform that solo I played it well. Isn't that all that matters, plus districts are on tuesday. Dang, I haven't prepared enough at all.

GE judge...you are a crazy man, that's all I say on that subject.

Trumpet player from Rolla, that might have been too far. But seriously, don't smash the trumpet into face, not only does it hurt really bad, but that's not how you play high.

And I'm sorry for you Brooke. I've been there and done that, every single bus ride for all four years of my high school career. I started a support group, we meet during the month of Janinjuary. Now that you've gone through that you know what month that is. Awesome...

Head lice. That's what I've always wanted. Some creepy things crawling around my head making it itchy and nasty. Stupid things annoy me.

F

Tonight

So debatebly we had our best show tonite. Yay us, but then why couldn't we have practiced better this week. I mean really...that's the best that we can rehearse? How pathetic.

And yet still, there's the hope that we can sweep, well if our drum majors could portray emotion...nah, that's asking way too much.

that last sentence was gigantic. it took two lines for it.

Then suicide. Which sounds really awkward, unless you know what I'm talking about. Then it's awesome. Tonight, it was indeed awesome. Damn slides, and their inability to lock.

Again, sorry Micah, I dropped the ball, or I guess slide, on that one.

Cullen's house...kinda boring, until we all strapped on some controllers and started playing with his Wii. Mario and Sonic Olympics is wicked fun. Except if you try to play it alone, then it's just sad. I wish I could make rainbows come out of my javeline.

I guess I did gain a small victory in the trampoline...ah good times. If only they didn't end so quickly.

J

Not Alright

Let's move to England.

and also,

essays are extra not alright

I

Lost on the Stoop

Good Song. But also good starting point, especially when you get an idea and then right as you go to put it on paper (or at least as close as anyone gets to putting things on paper anymore) you lose it. So I guess I'm supposed to write about forgetting what I'm writing about, maybe I'll pick up some lost thread of thought that I had earlier.

Oh RIGHT! Yay for remembering...actually first

on a side note-how do you portray time through puntuation.Yeah, I left some space between thoughts but how am I supposed to show the actual amount of time that it took to remember what I lost.

Now...what is true?

Is it really what's true? Or is it what the majority says. Last year in Lib and Law, we read a book by some famous guy from history. I don't remember his name, but his idea has stuck with me. And he's right. If you believe something a lot of the time a majority of people will agree with you, that or you agree with the majority of people. Now, that's all well and good, assuming that the more people you have the more chance you have of getting the real truth. But what if in all reality it's not that more people equals more truth, but instead just more distortions to that truth.

Think about it. The more people that you have, the more ideas those people will have. Now all these ideas floating around will almost certainly get more and more messed up as you go along. So in the end, and idea that starts at one side of this large group of people will have morphed into a totally different idea by the time that it trickles down into your mind.

But on the other hand how can the minority be right. Almost always they have the exact opposite idea. Anything the majority thinks will almost certainly be hated by this other side. So if the large group has even some hint of the truth, the smaller group will take that truth and totally turn it around.

So now where do you go?

It doesn't seem like there's even the smallest touch of hope left of finding that awe inspiring truth. Maybe the truth lies between the two groups. Perhaps instead of blindly following one side or blindly not following that same side, maybe you should take the time to think about it.

Conformity then is not a bad thing. The worst thing that a person could do is to blindly conform. But then again isn't blindly nonconforming just conforming to nonconforming?

So then wouldn't it be the smartest to look at not just the good of the sides, or just the bad of the sides, but instead focus on all sides of all sides? Sounds easy right? But then if it was easy then we wouldn't have to worry about anything at all.

I guess what I'm trying to say is...

Who are You voting for?

Z

what do You see?

So I was sitting in the gym and I happen to notice the reflection of light on the ground. Now as I walked around I happened to notice it move. Well that makes sense...I mean I've known light will do that since like forever. But then I got to thinking if I'm standing here looking at the light on the ground and a friend is standing some five feet that way and the light is in another place...Does that mean the light is everywhere at once?

And for that matter if the light is everywhere at once does that mean it's omnipresent?

And if that's the case does that make the light God?

I mean, without it I can't percieve anything so really doesn't the light create everything, or at least our perception of it?

Why do I put so much space in between my thoughts, do I really think it helps that much? Or does it?

See...randomness, it's awesome right? Am I trying to make this whole thing in questions? If so I failed right at the beginning.

So if the light is God haven't I already seen it? So wouldn't this be Heaven? Good golly I hope not, that would mean this place is perfect. Man perfection hurts like Hell, which is ironic right?

But again I guess it is all about perception right?

U

First Off

What the heck. Where has life gone. And does that mean that it actually goes anywhere, does that make sense. I mean if my life is traveling somewhere does that mean that I'm just along for the ride. In which case, am I holding on tight enough?

I think not.

What a downer, to be at the top of your class and still know that your not even half done. Why? Why should I, or anyone for that matter, be so obsessed with getting what we want that we forget to live?

This is fun, kind of freeing. Thank You. it's capitalized on purpose.

Writing is so much easier if you don't have a goal in mind. Just typing in itself is good. I could just be writing words, like fragguger or benihana. This is when I realize that english class really does blow (cause sucking is a physical impossiblity). What was I even talking about.

Am I really this random? Why does the song I'm listening to end with 10 seconds of silence, that's annoying. Oh, well I guess its "tasteful," to somebody.

Sorry to anyone who reads this, its kind of punishment, if only you were here it'd make sense.

How I wish You were here.

H